there’s a post going around that i want to address—i’m the author of the text file in the post in question (and thus the one who took the file down cause i really did NEED to make this post!)
[sexual assault warning in readmore]
PLEASE VIEW THIS POST INSTEAD OF THIS ONE
IT WAS MUCH MORE THAN “JUST GROPING”
IT IS, SOMEHOW, WORSE THAN THIS IS
i stand by what i said, absolutely. i am upset that a post of this nature was made without first consulting me explicitly—things on tumblr tend to explode and in this case, the person who would experience fallout is me.
ren and i were in a fairly sexual relationship, not a romantic one. we had our boundaries, but our most prominent one was “ask before any touching is done”. i have post-traumatic stress disorder, relating to a lot of sexual trauma, and when i am touched unprovoked, i am “dead in the water”. this boundary was placed in december of 2012 because ren experienced it first-hand with an event i can’t talk about now.
with this background, here is what i want you all to know:
ren has a self-admitted problem with groping people when they think they’re sleeping. they acknowledge that what they did to me was wrong but mention going to therapy for it, something that i, as the victim, am not comfortable with.
they also mention it being something they do in their sleep, but i find that bogus because of finer details during the actual groping state to me that ren was awake the entire time. i do not trust them in this situation, because they have betrayed my trust regarding being up front with things with me before (see below)
during the times when ren would visit, this so-called “sleep-groping” problem would happen a multitude of times—my PTSD makes it hard for me to remember specific numbers, but a ballpark estimate of how many times it’s happened to me is 10-15 (in two visits).
now, ren has admitted that they were aware of the problem when it occurred, but they did not elect to speak to me, their (at the time) sexual partner and (at the time) friend. this is troubling at its base level, but becomes a little more troubling when you remember that they are aware that my PTSD renders me immobile.
ren had one year to tell me that cuddling with them might be unwise because of their self-admitted “sleep-groping” habits, but did not do so and did not make any move to do so during the time i knew them. during that one year, i did not receive any communication regarding their “sleep problem”, despite the faith i put into them when another event happened, one i’m not comfortable reiterating now.
ren says that they’re seeking therapy for the events in question and for their “sleep problem”, but they told me the same thing when they did something to me the first time. i trust that they’re trying, but for the sake of your safety and my peace of mind, i’ve made this post so people are aware of the situation.
ren queenston has a tendency to touch people sexually in their sleep. be aware of this.
this is troubling, to say the absolute least. but that’s why i’m making this post, to raise awareness. they need to learn, and leaving them alone for a year for them to “get treatment” did not help the first time, and i doubt it will help now.
they need to be held accountable for their actions.
for the sake of my own safety:
i’m planning on receiving treatment for my own sexual trauma, and for any other issues that may have arisen during my time knowing ren. i cannot answer every question that comes my way, and though i appreciate the sentiments, i do not want to be bombarded with kind words either.
i am a very private person, and will deal with this issue in my own way, and for me privacy is extremely valuable here, so while i understand you have questions, i cannot answer them because i am under an inordinate amount of stress from confronting them about this issue myself.
please respect a victim’s privacy, meaning: ask them about posts before you make them, even if they say it’s okay to post. i would have loved to know about that post before it went out, but i did not, and i doubt anyone else in my situation would have appreciated it.
i understand that many of you are ren’s fans, but what they did to me was absolutely inexcusable and unforgivable. i make this post for the sake of your awareness.
anyway i’m quite wordy so i’m ending this here. take care.
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